This Tashlich ritual explores the tendency toward self-blame that is common during a fertility journey.  In an effort to cleanse ourselves from self-blame, this ritual utilizes writing, reflection, and guided imagery.  You will need two different colored highlighters, a bowl of water, a pen, and a paper. You may want to perform this ritual in a peaceful and quiet setting that is free from distractions. 

During the ritual of Tashlich, many people have the custom to throw something from nature into the water as a symbolic way of throwing away misdeeds.  Some people may reflect upon various actions that they regret or wish to repent for, and assign them to particular items they plan to toss into the water.  They will then throw each item, and send these actions away. 

Grappling with concepts like repentance, sin, and regret can be very complicated during a fertility journey.  You may already be all too good at introspecting and finding reasons to blame yourself.  It is very natural during a fertility journey to try to look for an explanation for why this is happening.  You may ask yourself, what did I do to cause this?  You may have come up with a million things that you think you did wrong both before and during this journey, which have landed you where you are right now.  You may have also heard comments from others along the way that have led you to feel like, in some way or to some degree, this is your fault.  

Though the High Holiday season is a time focused on apologizing and atoning, it is crucial that this is done in an emotionally healthy way.  Self-blame is not a healing emotion, nor is it likely to bring you closer to inner peace or to having a child.

To begin this ritual, write a list of any statements that you say to yourself  that express self-blame in regard to your fertility journey.  (Ex. “If only I hadn’t waited so long,” “this is my fault because I have such an unhealthy diet,” “I should have made a totally different decision in regard to that procedure.”)

Once you have finished writing this list, take two different color highlighters. With one highlighter, highlight all of the statements that you believe originated from within you.  With the other, highlight any statements that you believe originated from other people.  (Ex. Perhaps you developed the idea that you waited too long as a result of the society around you.  Perhaps it came from a family member.) 

With your pen, go through the list again, and make a star next to each statement that expresses something that you know for certain is true.  Notice how many of these statements, if any, have a star next to them.  

Self-blame is not a nurturing nor compassionate way to relate to yourself. Work with the guided imagery in the above clip to send this self-blame away and make space for kinder thoughts and emotions. 


Booklet Section: Looking Back / Tashlich
Source: Uprooted