And G!d says: " Community accountability is a tough process, but without it, we fall apart, which is why we do it every year even though it's HARD. And we give ourselves ten days, with a retreat on both ends, just to make sure we get the time and space to do it right because nobody ever found real forgiveness in a day."


And G!d says: “Repentance and repair do not sprout from you fully formed, but are grown in a rich bed of doubt and self-examination. For this reason, you must nurture your suspicions about yourself; you must question your motives; you must guard yourself from justification and denial. Only from this uncertainty, this shaky ground, can repair begin.”


And G!d says: "Make sure you start with the forgiveness of your friends and enemies, because that's way easier than forgiving yourself. We're gonna need a whole day for that, free of distractions because that shit is near impossible."


And G!d says: “There are three steps to a correct apology: you must admit your wrongdoing, express remorse, and commit yourself to a better future. If you skip any of these steps, your apology doesn’t count. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way,’ is not an apology, for this reason. Any apology containing a clause that begins with ‘but’ will be summarily dismissed.”


And G!d says: "And when your mouth is full of apology, cull the shame from it as you would the skin of an orange, for the shame is bitter, and makes no sweetness between you and the wronged."


And G!d says: "Do not wait for the apology to come. Do not wait to extend forgiveness. Lo, do not demand the apology from the unready, for it will come out tepid and you will feel empty and listless and greedy for having demanded that which was not yet ripe.”


And G!d says: "And if your apology is not accepted, and if your offered forgiveness is not received, then you are off the hook - until next year, when you must offer again. And if not then? A third year. And after the third year of offering sincere repentance and apology, you have fulfilled your obligation and it's on them now."

 

From Dane Kuttler's The G!d Wrestlers,   The Social Justice Warrior's Guide to the High Holy Days, Sept. 2015


Booklet Section: Seeking Forgiveness 
Source: Dane Kuttler: https://www.danepoetry.com/