Poem for the Disappointed by Deanna Neil

For those who worked for years
for a moment
a culmination
that passed and deflated before their eyes
an alveolus wheezing
a balloon sputtering
wailing grossly from its untied belly button
until an even more frightening
silence

For when the whole word reached out for a hug
and the only thing to grasp was thin air
For when the calendar postponed
but time marched on, sweating in our living rooms
For when we tried to run away from our bodies
but needed them to get where we were going

for the humility you felt when your plans shook away
like a simple etch-a-sketch
(how you thought the lines had looked so permanent)

for when you were too embarrassed to admit,
while standing over a virtual casket,
how much that job meant to you

for when you were afraid and hoarding chocolates in your nightstand
scanning the internet for the local gun store
pale, trembling, deep inside your lungs,
considering that your dreams never meant anything
that nothing ever meant anything
and understanding in brief, hot flashes
that you are infinitely, endemically interconnected
to everything

for when we saw ourselves
close a chapter we were in the middle of writing
but still, shaking, held the pen

There was a passionate answer
a deep knowing
that this time would come
a communal winter
when the greased machine would get arthritis
when the hot world would exact revenge

A bright stop sign on our road to purpose.

And this is when we reminded each other
that the conversation we have with loss
is perennial
and must be endured
together
while solitary

In a confined closet
accessible by outer space

Like a cosmic cure in your underpants
Like an epiphany that has no alphabet
yet


Booklet Section: Poems 
Source: Deanna Neil